I’m back to it after a hiatus. I’ve been busy putting my heart and soul into my endeavors with the launch of The Abi Normal Society. It feels good to have clarity for what feels like the first time in many months. 

Like many other people, I get overwhelmed by the amount of chaos and suffering in the world. Reading the news often takes me into a dark place, and sometimes it’s hard to not want to stay in bed forever. 

But I have an opportunity to help other people build resilience in their lives. To help people learn to love themselves more profoundly and bounce back from hardships. I believe having more resilient people will lead to more solutions to our world’s problems. 

So I’m pushing myself to get these ideas and resources out there, because it feels like the one thing I can do to help. My self-doubt often rears its ugly head, yelling things like, “Who do you think you are to do this stuff? No one will listen to you! You want to be paid for this? Ha!”

But I keep going despite the onslaught of criticisms in my mind. Because this stuff matters, and I know I can use the knowledge and skills I’ve gained over the last 29 years of my life to help other people in big ways. I can do this, despite being my own biggest obstacle.

I have to laugh because I’ve been saying for YEARS that we are often our own biggest obstacle in life. It doesn’t really matter what obstacles other people put in your way. The biggest obstacles come from you believing you can’t overcome them and putting up your own barriers in the process.

Getting out of your own way can be one of the hardest things in life. Maybe it is the number one hardest thing in life! You are the gatekeeper for your behavior, your intentions, your thoughts, your actions. 

We have more power than we can possibly understand, and yet we are the biggest restraint of that power. I know from experience that practicing self-compassion and reframing our narratives helps us to loosen that restraint. But I have yet to figure out how to really get out of my own way.

It’s a lifelong journey. To learn and love and grow and explore. Some of us strive for enlightenment. Others strive to own their home and retire someday. 

I don’t have all the answers, and the truth is that none of us will ever have all the answers. And that’s ok. The unknown is part of what makes life fun and exciting.

If we can learn to embrace the discomfort that comes with facing the unknown, we can ease into the journey and enjoy the ride. They call this surrendering. I’m definitely still working on it, but I can say without a doubt that I’m better at surrendering to life’s crazy plan now than I was even two years ago.

Cheers to self-love and resilience. May it change our world for the better.

After a colossally crappy week last week, I hit the ground running on Monday. Sometimes you need a few poor decisions to slap you in the face and wake you up to what you’re doing with your time. So here I am!

Even though I started my blog back in February of 2022, I started showing up for this work at the end of July. When I began thinking out-loud through my writing, I was terrified to express my true thoughts and feelings on the World Wide Web.

But the more I do it, the easier it gets (like most things in life). Putting my thoughts out into the world under my own name has helped me to find my voice again. And now, dear readers (hi mom & dad!), it’s time to pivot yet again. 

I’ve rebranded my ideas under the Abi Normal Society. Remember when I told you I wanted to launch a community coffee house where everyone was welcome and we’d have lots of different classes and things? Well, this is my online version of that dream.

The Abi Normal Society aims to provide community support, resources, and tools for people to love and value themselves just as they are. I wanted to rebrand because this concept is so much bigger than me and its eventual success will be because of the wonderful people that will (and already have) come together to make it the wonderful society it will be. Dr. Jess will help get ‘er off the docks, but it’s going to take a lot of other wonderful people to keep her afloat.

I’m rebranding everything. All my social media accounts, my newsletter (which is Abi Normal News by the way), and soon I will have a new website as well. Yesterday I launched a facebook group for people to come together to support one another on this journey: Self-Love & Self-Worth for Misfits. Come and join us if you’re so inclined!

Part of me feels like I have no freaking clue how to do all this stuff, but that’s ok. My mentor told me that every time I feel imposter syndrome leering at me to remember why I’m doing this. I’m doing this for people to feel seen, valued, heard. 

You may be wondering why in the heck I named this brand the Abi Normal Society. Unless you’ve seen Young Frankenstein, you’re probably like “What a weird name…” And if you have seen Young Frankenstein, did I nail it or what?!

But I digress. In Mel Brooks’ movie, Young Frankenstein, there’s a scene after they’ve brought the ‘monster’ to life and things aren’t really going well. Dr. Frankenstein, his assistant Igor, and the lovely Elizabeth have a debrief about why things are a hot mess. 

Dr. Frankenstein turns to Igor and asks, “Now, that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Dell Brooks?” Turns out, no. It sure wasn’t. 

Frankenstein’s follow up question is, “Would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?” Igor responds, “Abi someone… Abi Normal.” Lolz. Frankenstein loses his shit over the fact that he unknowingly put an “abnormal” brain into this ungodly, reconstructed hulk of a human.

That’s the scene, and I’ve been quoting it since I was a child. Why did I choose this scene to represent my new brand, you ask? A few reasons. 

For one, Young Frankenstein is a great movie and I love me some comedy. But more importantly, we’re all a bit Abi… Abi Normal. Every single one of us has our flaws, baggage, insecurities, and imperfections. And every single one of us, just like Frankenstein’s monster, is worthy of love no matter how Abi Normal we are.

I can’t think of a better sentiment to bring my new monster– I mean society into this world. While I continue this transition, I will probably continue to write on my personal website because it’s therapeutic to me and maybe it’s enjoyable for a small handful of people to read.

If you’re interested in joining this merry band of misfits, come say hi to me in our FB group or subscribe to Abi Normal News to get some great info on the stuff we all face as Abi Normal humans and ideas on how we can navigate them the best we can.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” 

Throughout my life I’ve gravitated towards the “misfits” of the world. The people who don’t quite fit in, who carry the label of “weird”, who don’t conform in the way society tells them they’re supposed to. I love these people.

When you meet me, you might not think I’m one of these people at first glance. I’ve perfected the art of being someone other people want me to be. I’m really good at putting total strangers at ease and finding areas of common ground to talk about.

I can talk to people of all ages, backgrounds, creeds, and affiliations. But this is a skill I learned over the years. I’ve learned how to put other people’s stories first and hide my own.

When I’m by myself I burst into song, make weird noises, dance around, talk to myself, make funny faces. I spin wild ideas I think could solve the world’s problems while my bedroom is littered with dirty clothes, a million water glasses, and papers I never put away. I cackle loudly at puns and slapstick humor.

I am a misfit in my own right, I just learned to hide it when I thought I needed to. I learned to tone myself down to be more palatable for the majority of people. Not too loud, not too bold, not too smart, not too energetic… I watered myself down to try to fit in.

But doing all of that comes at a steep cost. It led me to disconnect from myself more and more to the point that I became suicidal. The more I tried to be less, the less I wanted to live. And to me, that is far too steep a price to pay. 

So I’m learning to peel back the layers of conditioning, suppression, and silence. Bit by bit, I let my weird bubble out. I laugh loudly. I censor myself less. I swear more (which is my natural state). 

And sometimes this is freaking painful. When we suppress ourselves for so long, we have lots of emotions that have been aching to get out. We have relationships that suddenly implode. Jobs that are suddenly intolerable.

But this process is also a breath of fresh air. Because the one thing I am certain we are all meant to do in our lifetimes is to learn to love the people we are. When we make a commitment to learn to love all our parts (even the ones other people tell us are ugly, smelly, mean, and wrong), a massive weight is lifted. 

We were born into this body, and one day we will die in it. So much of the external world is out of our control, but we do have control over the relationship we decide to have with ourselves. It is the only relationship that is truly one-sided, and it is the relationship that matters the most.

The world is big enough to hold the diversity of humans it has. It’s big enough for the weirdos, the suits, the artists, the stay-at-home moms and dads, the nerds, the shut-ins, the hippies, the dominatrixes, the geeks, the dreamers, the gym rats… There’s enough room for all of us.

Humans come in all different flavors, and isn’t that wonderful? Without diversity of thought, body, and experience, how would we survive? I think it’s one of the things that makes our species stunning. 

So the next time you find yourself pushing down the parts of you that you think are wrong or weird or unlikeable, don’t. You are a freaking masterpiece, and your presence on this planet is not only valid, it’s a gift. Find the people who celebrate the awesomeness that you are, and don’t worry about the ones that don’t get you. Those people aren’t for you, and vice versa.

And if you’re thinking, “I don’t know anyone who celebrates me for me!” then you need to start by celebrating yourself. Your relationship with yourself comes first. As you reconnect with you, you will find the right people on your way. Have faith in yourself and your inner awesomeness.

Some weeks we have more to deal with than we have time in the day. In those weeks, we let other things slide. For example, I didn’t write a newsletter this week, nor did I write a blog post every day of the week. But that’s ok.

Life is cyclical. There are times when things are going well, and times when you feel like you’re drowning in chaos. Sometimes life is boring, other times it’s a whirlwind of excitement. There are new beginnings and bittersweet (or sometimes god-awful) endings.

We tend to think of life and time as a linear process, especially as members of society. When we’re children, we have developmental milestones to meet. We go to school and progress through the grades until we graduate from high school. 

We continue this illusion of life being linear. After high school, many of us go to college, or trade school, or we get a job. Many aspire to be married, buy a house, have kids. There are more and more boxes to check off as time marches on.

But a lot of life is actually cyclical. As Steven Moffat writes for Dr. Who, “People assume time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.”

Then we have the writers of The Good Place, where in season 3, episode 5 Michael explains to Eleanor that “in the afterlife time doubles back and loops around and ends up looking something, like… Jeremy Bearimy. This is the timeline in the afterlife. Happens to kinda look like the name Jeremy Bearimy in cursive English, so that’s what we call it.”

My point is, it’s not always helpful to us to look at time as only being linear. We have things that happened in the past that may affect us in the future in unexpected ways, or ways we never come to understand. We have beginnings and middles and ends happening simultaneously.

When we embrace the reality that time is not purely linear, it removes the pressure to check off all of these boxes. The two certainties we have are that we were born, and we will one day die. Everything else in between is a mystery and great adventure.

There is no rule book we are born with which tells us exactly what to do in life. And while that is sometimes super frustrating, it also means that each one of us is free to make up the rules of our own life. Yes, in order to live in society, there are certain societal rules we must follow (i.e. laws). 

But beyond those concrete laws set up by society, we are free to make up much of how we live our lives. Every single one of us is making things up as we go along. We are free to change our minds, try different things, and make new decisions. 

Perfection is an illusion many of us chase, but none of us can live a ‘perfect’ life. We can only live our own lives. And we get to decide what that means for us on an individual level.

Embracing the messiness of time and the messiness of our own lives allows us to show up in the world with more compassion for ourselves and others. We can learn to love the imperfection and whimsy that is this “big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.” And in turn, we can learn to love our imperfect, crazy lives.

It’s only in hindsight that we can see how we came to face such a large pile of crap. But unfortunately, hindsight isn’t very helpful when we’re facing the crap. I can tell you that I’ve used hindsight to bludgeon myself more times than I can count.

Hindsight can be helpful to us when we want to come up with strategies for preventing the same crappy situation from occurring again. But when we use it to beat ourselves up, it’s like being mad at yourself for not being superman. That’s just silly!

We can only make the best decisions we can with the information that is available to us in that moment. It’s easy to look back, after we have more information, and tell ourselves how dumb we were. Sometimes our priorities were not quite aligned, and we chose one priority over the other and it led to a painful outcome. 

But when we can learn from what happens without beating ourselves up, that’s where the value lies in hindsight. Why all this talk about hindsight today?

Two nights ago I found myself in a pickle. (A poo pickle, if you will.) And when I woke up in the morning, the pickle was still there to deal with. The options available to me were not very appealing– in fact they freaking sucked. 

When I first found myself in this pickle, my first reaction was to say to myself, “I’m such a sucker! How could I be so naive?!” I quickly moved into self pity, “Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to be the one to deal with this right now?!” Eventually I found my way into acceptance. 

The shit had already hit the fan, and it was time to deal with the aftermath. That’s why I think in these moments, when we are left with the shit no one else wants to deal with, we are best served by our courage. It is through courage, not shame, that we can make the best decisions for ourselves in those challenging times.

You have to put hindsight, blame, and shame aside when you are in problem solving mode. Whatever it was has already happened. Beating yourself up will only serve to increase your panic and zap your critical thinking skills.

Courage helps us see which path is the best path forward amidst the chaos. Through courage, we can take action despite our fear. It is only after we have settled the matter at hand that we can gently bring hindsight into the picture to study the event that unfolded.

So what can you do to face your steaming pile of crap (or pickle, or whatever else you want to call it)? 

Start by taking a deep breath (maybe near a nice candle or slap on some Vicks vapo rub to avoid the stench). Come back to your values and ask yourself, “What do I think is best at this moment? What can I do that aligns most with my values?”

Sit with those thoughts for a bit, not the thoughts about what other people will think or how it is the most awful thing in the world to happen to you. Remind yourself that every single person on this planet makes mistakes. Remember that you’re not the first person to find yourself in this pickle.  

Let the emotions that come up flow through you without attaching a meaning or story to them. Feel the emotions come and go, remember your values, and breathe. A solution will come to you, even though you may still feel uncertain and afraid. Courage will help you to act anyway. 

After the dust has settled, then take a peek at hindsight. That is the time to see what nuggets of wisdom you can get out of the crap pile you just conquered. Happy shoveling! 

But just because my inner critic is grumpy and my motivation is lacking today doesn’t mean I don’t need to show up for myself. So here I sit at the dining room table, typing away even though I’d rather flop down on my bed, watch endless episodes of Never Have I Ever, and snack all day long.

In the past I’ve had this habit of bailing on myself when I started to see success. Weird, right? Subconsciously I’m terrified to be successful at my own stuff.

That’s true whether it’s with weight loss, mastering a new hobby, or growing an audience. I start to make progress I can actually see and then I’m often jump ship. It’s been challenging for me to pinpoint exactly why I do this. 

Sometimes I think it’s because I struggle with feeling worthy of success. Or maybe I’m afraid that people will want more from me when I become successful, and so I’d rather stay small. While the why may be helpful, what’s important for me now is to recognize I have this habit of self-sabotage.

I am aware that I’m uncomfortable with success in my personal endeavors. Simply being aware of it, makes me less likely to sabotage myself. That awareness reminds me to keep going despite feeling uncomfortable. 

On the flip side, it’s so easy for me to go down rabbit holes to be useful to others or make other people happy. That’s another habit I have. To combat this, I frequently check-in with myself and ask, “Is this what you really want to be doing? Is this helping you to meet your bigger goals and intentions?” 

That’s why I wrote an entire article about identifying your values and included a worksheet to help you identify yours. When I have three values to focus on that I care about right now, I can check in and ask myself, “Is this honoring those values?” And if the answer is no, I have to ask myself if I really want to be doing it.

Habits are tricky buggers. The longer we’ve been doing something a certain way (or even thinking a certain way), the more difficult it is to break that habit. One of the biggest reasons this is true is because our neurons grow branches that connect to other neurons, and the more we do something, the stronger those connections become. 

When I was in medical school, we learned about something called the Transtheoretical Model (aka the Stages of Change). Stick with me, I promise this is cool. There are six stages in this model: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and relapse.

Any time we want to change something (especially a habit) we have to go through these stages. This is true if we want to break an addiction, start taking care of our bodies, or change the way we communicate. ANY change we want to make happens on this cycle. 

The first step is precontemplation– this is when we aren’t ready to even think about change. We haven’t considered it, or we’re not open to changing yet. An example from my life: “Nope, I’m not ready to lose weight right now.” 

The next step is contemplation: we are aware that we want to change something, and we’re starting to think about it. For me: “Ok, I’m having some back problems. It would probably help if I worked to improve my strength and flexibility and decrease the load on my back.”

After that, we might move into preparation, which is our planning phase. We start figuring out how we’re going to go about making this change. This is where I am right now with my fitness journey. I know I need to make changes to support my body, and I’m open to it, but I’m still working on a plan.

After preparation, we move into action. We act on the plan we have prepared. And sometimes we have to go back to the drawing board of preparation, but we are actually doing things to create change.

Once we have made the change we were hoping to make, we enter the maintenance phase. This is all about keeping things going. Making that change part of our routine.

The sixth stage is relapse. Everybody hates this stage and thinks there is something wrong with them when they relapse, but it’s actually part of the normal process of creating change. At one time or another throughout this cycle, it’s common, normal, and even expected to fall off the wagon. 

The key is not to beat yourself up, but to look at it as a learning opportunity, to bring that information back to your preparation, and to get back on the horse. RELAPSE IS NORMAL!!! It doesn’t mean you suck, that you’re bad, or that you will never make the changes you want to make. 

I hope this helps you as much as it’s helped me. Change is hard, and it’s not about willpower. It’s about the strength of those stubborn neural connections. So give yourself some grace, and keep coming back to the changes you’re trying to make. You will get there.

What change(s) are you wanting to make in your life?

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.” 

I’ve tried so many different jobs over the years. When I was 15 years old, I started at a grocery store. I went from being a bagger to a cashier to a floral assistant to a kitchen clerk to a Starbucks barista. 

In college I worked as a caller at the college Phonathon to solicit donations from alumni. Then I worked three summers in a lab as a research assistant, became a certified Zumba instructor and independent beauty consultant for Mary Kay, dabbled in temp work, and scribed for mom in the ER before starting medical school. 

Medical school became a full-time job, and then I started residency. But since leaving residency, I’ve continued to dabble. I taught online MCAT prep classes for premed students, tried my hand at transcription, did some freelance projects on Upwork, and most recently I’ve become a ‘brand ambassador’ where I get paid $25/hr to hand out samples at grocery stores.

Some people may read this and might think, “This lady is all over the place! Pick a job already!!” I used to think I was flaky for trying so many different things. But each of these experiences has taught me something different and led to countless opportunities. 

It turns out, it doesn’t matter if you’re ‘flaky’ and you’re still able to get a job. Trying new jobs is not a problem unless it prevents you from getting more jobs when you need them. So ignore the haters and keep doing you.

You don’t have to stay in a job you don’t like, even if you’re $200K in debt like I am. There are opportunities all around you. Some of these you apply for, but the best ones you stumble into. 

You meet someone unexpectedly, start putting ideas together that you’ve never had, and voila! You’re onto something new that will open up your world in unexpected, exciting ways. I think of it as leveling up. 

With each experience you have, you gain new knowledge that you can put together in ways other people without those experiences can’t. That’s the power of being a multipotentialite. You become really great at adapting to new situations, learning something new in a fraction of the time of your peers, and creating solutions that blow people’s pants off.

But being a multipotentialite is also dangerous. You will undoubtedly disrupt the status quo. People’s reactions to you will range from confusion, to admiration, to disgust, to indignation. 

Some people will be incredibly pissed off that you’re making changes. But those people prefer staying small over the risks that come with growth. Your changes may feel like a threat to them.

While there are ways to work with these kinds of people to make your ideas more palatable, it’s best not to worry so much about what they think. Your life choices don’t have to make sense to anybody, and sometimes they don’t even have to make sense to you! It’s ok to try things, learn from them, and move on after you get what you need out of it.

Pay attention to the tiny voice inside of you that is giving you suggestions about what to do next. Don’t keep shushing it away. You have an inner knowing that will lead you to some spectacular places. Your job is simply to show up and try.

Whether we realize it or not, we talk to ourselves all of the time in our heads. Sometimes we even talk to ourselves out loud. This is totally normal! 

Have you heard the saying you are your own worst critic? This is where self-talk really matters. When we criticize ourselves for every mistake we make, call ourselves stupid, fat, ugly, or whatever other number of horrible things we stay to ourselves, it tanks our self-confidence. 

Imagine if someone said the same things to you that you say to yourself. Would you ever talk to them again? Would you trust them to make decisions for you?

Part of building trust in yourself involves speaking kindly to yourself. This is actually one of the key components of practicing self-compassion. Practicing positive self talk can help you to respond more calmly in stressful situations, bounce back from difficulties, and build confidence. 

Ok, so how do you start incorporating positive self talk in your life? Psychologist Kristen Neff recommends you start by noticing you’re saying mean things to yourself. Before you can change how you talk to yourself, you have to notice that you’re doing it!

After you notice that you’re beating up on yourself, think about what you might say to your best friend or a loved one in the same situation. If this feels weird to you, you can start by writing it down.

Here’s an example of working towards positive self talk. Let’s say you trip and faceplant on the sidewalk. After the initial sting wears off, maybe your normal response would be to think “God, I’m such a clutz! I’m so embarrassed! Why am I so uncoordinated?!”

Now imagine if you saw this happen to your best friend, your mother, your child or whoever. You might instead say to them, “Oh sweetie, are you ok?!” And if they said to you, “I’m such a clutz.” Maybe you’d say back, “Don’t worry about it! Everybody trips sometimes.”

It may feel awkward at first, but the more you practice positive self-talk, the more it will become automatic. After a while, your first reaction to something bad happening will be a comforting word to yourself rather than a criticism or insult. 

The key is to be patient with yourself and keep coming back to it. You’ll still say crappy things to yourself from time to time. But you’ll catch yourself sooner, and reframe it more quickly.

Here are some other examples of negative self talk versus positive self talk to the same situation.

Now it’s your turn. Let’s say you’re out to dinner with your friend and you accidentally spill your drink all over their lap. What would you normally say to yourself and how can you reframe that as positive self talk?

One of the most valuable lessons I learned from my phenomenal research mentor is that you have to be invested in the process, not the results. What do I mean by that?

In science when we run experiments, we don’t know what the outcome is going to be. That’s why we’re experimenting, right? But we make a hypothesis (or educated guess) about what we think might happen. 

Having a hypothesis is important because it helps us to plan the experiment and decide what kinds of tests to run and how to measure our results. But we have to be careful not to be committed to the outcome of that hypothesis.

If we are too attached to the hypothesis we’ve made, it’s like putting blinders on. We now have these massive blind spots that prevent us from the true nature of the experiment we’re running. We might miss some important trends in the data that we have.

So if getting too attached to the possible outcome causes blind spots, what do we focus on? We focus on how we run the experiment. This is where we get to be creative.

We try a few things, and then measure the results. Then we try something different, and see if we get different results. Sometimes we even try the same thing more than once to see if we get the same results or if we get something different. 

To some this may sound tedious, but it’s actually fun! When you let your curiosity be your guide, it can lead to spectacular results. But if you start an experiment with the belief that you will be right about something instead of being open to the process, you will miss out on some amazing discoveries.

Ok, Dr. Jess. What does this have to do with the rest of us who are not in the lab with bunsen burners and beakers? Why should we care about your ramblings about the scientific method?

These same concepts apply directly to our life. When we hold tightly to our beliefs without being open and curious, we shut down any chance of amazing, unexpected things happening. But when we are committed to the process of exploring life without pretending to know what will happen, we will be blown away again and again by the wonder of life.

Let me use myself as an example. Here I am trying to build an audience around learning to love all your parts, right? But I’ve feeling stupid about the fact that each day only like three people read these posts and a handful of people see my social media content. 

The problem with that is I’m too attached to the outcome: having a big audience so I can share this stuff I’m excited about. But that’s totally out of my control, isn’t it? And focusing on that outcome actually makes me less likely to keep going.

Instead, I need to put on my goggles and have fun experimenting with the way I deliver my content. I can look at the data and see what works and what doesn’t, instead of judging myself for not having exciting results. Being committed to the process and remembering why I’m doing it in the first place (to share content about learning how to love yourself) is going to keep me going.

What about you? Is there an area in your life where you’ve been too attached to the outcome? What would it look like if you reframed it as an exciting experiment to run instead?

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”

Start with your values

It can be overwhelming to know how to start designing your life when you have one or more areas you want to change. The first thing to do is take a deep breath and know you’re in good company. Every single person on this planet goes through change, transition, and uncertainty multiple times in their life. 

I find it can be helpful to begin with your values. Every single person has a set of values. When I was in a partial program, my therapist told me that our values are like our favorite flavor of ice cream: we’re all allowed to just like what we like! 

You can download and print off a values worksheet I created here. 

Here’s what you’re going to do: 

1. Look at each value and quickly decide (in <5 seconds) if that value is very important (V), somewhat important (S), or not as important (N) to you. Write down the letter V, S, or N depending on what you decide. DON’T OVERTHINK THIS.

2. At the end of the list, fill in the two blank spaces with two values of your own that are not already listed.

3. Next, on page three you’re going to rewrite all the values you decided were very important (V). It can helpful to circle all the V’s first and then write the values down.

4. Of these very important values, you are going to pick the top 3 values you want to focus on right now. I like to cross them out one at a time until I’m left with my top three. This is going to change over time, so don’t stress about picking the wrong ones.

Now that you have your top three values, you can begin to look at how your life matches up with those values. Are your day-to-day actions aligned with those values? If not, then it’s time to make some changes.

Let your values be your guide

Our values act like a compass to point us in the direction we want to go. We can begin to take small steps with our actions to align with our values. This will help us make the changes we are trying to make. 

Again, this process is very personal and subjective. There is no one right or wrong way to do this. Your values are going to be different from my values, which are going to be different from Kim Kardashian’s values. 

No one’s values are better or worse than anyone else’s. Don’t stress about doing this wrong or agonizing over which values are best. Just go with your gut. 

In my next article, I will walk you through how you can use the values you’ve picked to take stock of where you are right now. If you’re like me, you’re going to see a pretty big gap between where you want to be and where you are now. 

That is absolutely fine! It’s expected! During times of transition, when we are wanting to make changes, there is always a gap between where we are and where we want to go. 

If you’re hungry for more and want a birds eye view of this process, you may want to read an article I wrote earlier called 53 Simple Ideas For Designing Your Life. But don’t let it overwhelm you! We’ll go through specifics in later articles.

My current top three values are so different from the last time I did this exercise! This time I chose adventure, courage, and whimsy. Comment below with your top three values.