After a colossally crappy week last week, I hit the ground running on Monday. Sometimes you need a few poor decisions to slap you in the face and wake you up to what you’re doing with your time. So here I am!

Even though I started my blog back in February of 2022, I started showing up for this work at the end of July. When I began thinking out-loud through my writing, I was terrified to express my true thoughts and feelings on the World Wide Web.

But the more I do it, the easier it gets (like most things in life). Putting my thoughts out into the world under my own name has helped me to find my voice again. And now, dear readers (hi mom & dad!), it’s time to pivot yet again. 

I’ve rebranded my ideas under the Abi Normal Society. Remember when I told you I wanted to launch a community coffee house where everyone was welcome and we’d have lots of different classes and things? Well, this is my online version of that dream.

The Abi Normal Society aims to provide community support, resources, and tools for people to love and value themselves just as they are. I wanted to rebrand because this concept is so much bigger than me and its eventual success will be because of the wonderful people that will (and already have) come together to make it the wonderful society it will be. Dr. Jess will help get ‘er off the docks, but it’s going to take a lot of other wonderful people to keep her afloat.

I’m rebranding everything. All my social media accounts, my newsletter (which is Abi Normal News by the way), and soon I will have a new website as well. Yesterday I launched a facebook group for people to come together to support one another on this journey: Self-Love & Self-Worth for Misfits. Come and join us if you’re so inclined!

Part of me feels like I have no freaking clue how to do all this stuff, but that’s ok. My mentor told me that every time I feel imposter syndrome leering at me to remember why I’m doing this. I’m doing this for people to feel seen, valued, heard. 

You may be wondering why in the heck I named this brand the Abi Normal Society. Unless you’ve seen Young Frankenstein, you’re probably like “What a weird name…” And if you have seen Young Frankenstein, did I nail it or what?!

But I digress. In Mel Brooks’ movie, Young Frankenstein, there’s a scene after they’ve brought the ‘monster’ to life and things aren’t really going well. Dr. Frankenstein, his assistant Igor, and the lovely Elizabeth have a debrief about why things are a hot mess. 

Dr. Frankenstein turns to Igor and asks, “Now, that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Dell Brooks?” Turns out, no. It sure wasn’t. 

Frankenstein’s follow up question is, “Would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?” Igor responds, “Abi someone… Abi Normal.” Lolz. Frankenstein loses his shit over the fact that he unknowingly put an “abnormal” brain into this ungodly, reconstructed hulk of a human.

That’s the scene, and I’ve been quoting it since I was a child. Why did I choose this scene to represent my new brand, you ask? A few reasons. 

For one, Young Frankenstein is a great movie and I love me some comedy. But more importantly, we’re all a bit Abi… Abi Normal. Every single one of us has our flaws, baggage, insecurities, and imperfections. And every single one of us, just like Frankenstein’s monster, is worthy of love no matter how Abi Normal we are.

I can’t think of a better sentiment to bring my new monster– I mean society into this world. While I continue this transition, I will probably continue to write on my personal website because it’s therapeutic to me and maybe it’s enjoyable for a small handful of people to read.

If you’re interested in joining this merry band of misfits, come say hi to me in our FB group or subscribe to Abi Normal News to get some great info on the stuff we all face as Abi Normal humans and ideas on how we can navigate them the best we can.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” 

Throughout my life I’ve gravitated towards the “misfits” of the world. The people who don’t quite fit in, who carry the label of “weird”, who don’t conform in the way society tells them they’re supposed to. I love these people.

When you meet me, you might not think I’m one of these people at first glance. I’ve perfected the art of being someone other people want me to be. I’m really good at putting total strangers at ease and finding areas of common ground to talk about.

I can talk to people of all ages, backgrounds, creeds, and affiliations. But this is a skill I learned over the years. I’ve learned how to put other people’s stories first and hide my own.

When I’m by myself I burst into song, make weird noises, dance around, talk to myself, make funny faces. I spin wild ideas I think could solve the world’s problems while my bedroom is littered with dirty clothes, a million water glasses, and papers I never put away. I cackle loudly at puns and slapstick humor.

I am a misfit in my own right, I just learned to hide it when I thought I needed to. I learned to tone myself down to be more palatable for the majority of people. Not too loud, not too bold, not too smart, not too energetic… I watered myself down to try to fit in.

But doing all of that comes at a steep cost. It led me to disconnect from myself more and more to the point that I became suicidal. The more I tried to be less, the less I wanted to live. And to me, that is far too steep a price to pay. 

So I’m learning to peel back the layers of conditioning, suppression, and silence. Bit by bit, I let my weird bubble out. I laugh loudly. I censor myself less. I swear more (which is my natural state). 

And sometimes this is freaking painful. When we suppress ourselves for so long, we have lots of emotions that have been aching to get out. We have relationships that suddenly implode. Jobs that are suddenly intolerable.

But this process is also a breath of fresh air. Because the one thing I am certain we are all meant to do in our lifetimes is to learn to love the people we are. When we make a commitment to learn to love all our parts (even the ones other people tell us are ugly, smelly, mean, and wrong), a massive weight is lifted. 

We were born into this body, and one day we will die in it. So much of the external world is out of our control, but we do have control over the relationship we decide to have with ourselves. It is the only relationship that is truly one-sided, and it is the relationship that matters the most.

The world is big enough to hold the diversity of humans it has. It’s big enough for the weirdos, the suits, the artists, the stay-at-home moms and dads, the nerds, the shut-ins, the hippies, the dominatrixes, the geeks, the dreamers, the gym rats… There’s enough room for all of us.

Humans come in all different flavors, and isn’t that wonderful? Without diversity of thought, body, and experience, how would we survive? I think it’s one of the things that makes our species stunning. 

So the next time you find yourself pushing down the parts of you that you think are wrong or weird or unlikeable, don’t. You are a freaking masterpiece, and your presence on this planet is not only valid, it’s a gift. Find the people who celebrate the awesomeness that you are, and don’t worry about the ones that don’t get you. Those people aren’t for you, and vice versa.

And if you’re thinking, “I don’t know anyone who celebrates me for me!” then you need to start by celebrating yourself. Your relationship with yourself comes first. As you reconnect with you, you will find the right people on your way. Have faith in yourself and your inner awesomeness.

It’s only in hindsight that we can see how we came to face such a large pile of crap. But unfortunately, hindsight isn’t very helpful when we’re facing the crap. I can tell you that I’ve used hindsight to bludgeon myself more times than I can count.

Hindsight can be helpful to us when we want to come up with strategies for preventing the same crappy situation from occurring again. But when we use it to beat ourselves up, it’s like being mad at yourself for not being superman. That’s just silly!

We can only make the best decisions we can with the information that is available to us in that moment. It’s easy to look back, after we have more information, and tell ourselves how dumb we were. Sometimes our priorities were not quite aligned, and we chose one priority over the other and it led to a painful outcome. 

But when we can learn from what happens without beating ourselves up, that’s where the value lies in hindsight. Why all this talk about hindsight today?

Two nights ago I found myself in a pickle. (A poo pickle, if you will.) And when I woke up in the morning, the pickle was still there to deal with. The options available to me were not very appealing– in fact they freaking sucked. 

When I first found myself in this pickle, my first reaction was to say to myself, “I’m such a sucker! How could I be so naive?!” I quickly moved into self pity, “Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to be the one to deal with this right now?!” Eventually I found my way into acceptance. 

The shit had already hit the fan, and it was time to deal with the aftermath. That’s why I think in these moments, when we are left with the shit no one else wants to deal with, we are best served by our courage. It is through courage, not shame, that we can make the best decisions for ourselves in those challenging times.

You have to put hindsight, blame, and shame aside when you are in problem solving mode. Whatever it was has already happened. Beating yourself up will only serve to increase your panic and zap your critical thinking skills.

Courage helps us see which path is the best path forward amidst the chaos. Through courage, we can take action despite our fear. It is only after we have settled the matter at hand that we can gently bring hindsight into the picture to study the event that unfolded.

So what can you do to face your steaming pile of crap (or pickle, or whatever else you want to call it)? 

Start by taking a deep breath (maybe near a nice candle or slap on some Vicks vapo rub to avoid the stench). Come back to your values and ask yourself, “What do I think is best at this moment? What can I do that aligns most with my values?”

Sit with those thoughts for a bit, not the thoughts about what other people will think or how it is the most awful thing in the world to happen to you. Remind yourself that every single person on this planet makes mistakes. Remember that you’re not the first person to find yourself in this pickle.  

Let the emotions that come up flow through you without attaching a meaning or story to them. Feel the emotions come and go, remember your values, and breathe. A solution will come to you, even though you may still feel uncertain and afraid. Courage will help you to act anyway. 

After the dust has settled, then take a peek at hindsight. That is the time to see what nuggets of wisdom you can get out of the crap pile you just conquered. Happy shoveling! 

But just because my inner critic is grumpy and my motivation is lacking today doesn’t mean I don’t need to show up for myself. So here I sit at the dining room table, typing away even though I’d rather flop down on my bed, watch endless episodes of Never Have I Ever, and snack all day long.

In the past I’ve had this habit of bailing on myself when I started to see success. Weird, right? Subconsciously I’m terrified to be successful at my own stuff.

That’s true whether it’s with weight loss, mastering a new hobby, or growing an audience. I start to make progress I can actually see and then I’m often jump ship. It’s been challenging for me to pinpoint exactly why I do this. 

Sometimes I think it’s because I struggle with feeling worthy of success. Or maybe I’m afraid that people will want more from me when I become successful, and so I’d rather stay small. While the why may be helpful, what’s important for me now is to recognize I have this habit of self-sabotage.

I am aware that I’m uncomfortable with success in my personal endeavors. Simply being aware of it, makes me less likely to sabotage myself. That awareness reminds me to keep going despite feeling uncomfortable. 

On the flip side, it’s so easy for me to go down rabbit holes to be useful to others or make other people happy. That’s another habit I have. To combat this, I frequently check-in with myself and ask, “Is this what you really want to be doing? Is this helping you to meet your bigger goals and intentions?” 

That’s why I wrote an entire article about identifying your values and included a worksheet to help you identify yours. When I have three values to focus on that I care about right now, I can check in and ask myself, “Is this honoring those values?” And if the answer is no, I have to ask myself if I really want to be doing it.

Habits are tricky buggers. The longer we’ve been doing something a certain way (or even thinking a certain way), the more difficult it is to break that habit. One of the biggest reasons this is true is because our neurons grow branches that connect to other neurons, and the more we do something, the stronger those connections become. 

When I was in medical school, we learned about something called the Transtheoretical Model (aka the Stages of Change). Stick with me, I promise this is cool. There are six stages in this model: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and relapse.

Any time we want to change something (especially a habit) we have to go through these stages. This is true if we want to break an addiction, start taking care of our bodies, or change the way we communicate. ANY change we want to make happens on this cycle. 

The first step is precontemplation– this is when we aren’t ready to even think about change. We haven’t considered it, or we’re not open to changing yet. An example from my life: “Nope, I’m not ready to lose weight right now.” 

The next step is contemplation: we are aware that we want to change something, and we’re starting to think about it. For me: “Ok, I’m having some back problems. It would probably help if I worked to improve my strength and flexibility and decrease the load on my back.”

After that, we might move into preparation, which is our planning phase. We start figuring out how we’re going to go about making this change. This is where I am right now with my fitness journey. I know I need to make changes to support my body, and I’m open to it, but I’m still working on a plan.

After preparation, we move into action. We act on the plan we have prepared. And sometimes we have to go back to the drawing board of preparation, but we are actually doing things to create change.

Once we have made the change we were hoping to make, we enter the maintenance phase. This is all about keeping things going. Making that change part of our routine.

The sixth stage is relapse. Everybody hates this stage and thinks there is something wrong with them when they relapse, but it’s actually part of the normal process of creating change. At one time or another throughout this cycle, it’s common, normal, and even expected to fall off the wagon. 

The key is not to beat yourself up, but to look at it as a learning opportunity, to bring that information back to your preparation, and to get back on the horse. RELAPSE IS NORMAL!!! It doesn’t mean you suck, that you’re bad, or that you will never make the changes you want to make. 

I hope this helps you as much as it’s helped me. Change is hard, and it’s not about willpower. It’s about the strength of those stubborn neural connections. So give yourself some grace, and keep coming back to the changes you’re trying to make. You will get there.

What change(s) are you wanting to make in your life?

Whether we realize it or not, we talk to ourselves all of the time in our heads. Sometimes we even talk to ourselves out loud. This is totally normal! 

Have you heard the saying you are your own worst critic? This is where self-talk really matters. When we criticize ourselves for every mistake we make, call ourselves stupid, fat, ugly, or whatever other number of horrible things we stay to ourselves, it tanks our self-confidence. 

Imagine if someone said the same things to you that you say to yourself. Would you ever talk to them again? Would you trust them to make decisions for you?

Part of building trust in yourself involves speaking kindly to yourself. This is actually one of the key components of practicing self-compassion. Practicing positive self talk can help you to respond more calmly in stressful situations, bounce back from difficulties, and build confidence. 

Ok, so how do you start incorporating positive self talk in your life? Psychologist Kristen Neff recommends you start by noticing you’re saying mean things to yourself. Before you can change how you talk to yourself, you have to notice that you’re doing it!

After you notice that you’re beating up on yourself, think about what you might say to your best friend or a loved one in the same situation. If this feels weird to you, you can start by writing it down.

Here’s an example of working towards positive self talk. Let’s say you trip and faceplant on the sidewalk. After the initial sting wears off, maybe your normal response would be to think “God, I’m such a clutz! I’m so embarrassed! Why am I so uncoordinated?!”

Now imagine if you saw this happen to your best friend, your mother, your child or whoever. You might instead say to them, “Oh sweetie, are you ok?!” And if they said to you, “I’m such a clutz.” Maybe you’d say back, “Don’t worry about it! Everybody trips sometimes.”

It may feel awkward at first, but the more you practice positive self-talk, the more it will become automatic. After a while, your first reaction to something bad happening will be a comforting word to yourself rather than a criticism or insult. 

The key is to be patient with yourself and keep coming back to it. You’ll still say crappy things to yourself from time to time. But you’ll catch yourself sooner, and reframe it more quickly.

Here are some other examples of negative self talk versus positive self talk to the same situation.

Now it’s your turn. Let’s say you’re out to dinner with your friend and you accidentally spill your drink all over their lap. What would you normally say to yourself and how can you reframe that as positive self talk?

One of the most valuable lessons I learned from my phenomenal research mentor is that you have to be invested in the process, not the results. What do I mean by that?

In science when we run experiments, we don’t know what the outcome is going to be. That’s why we’re experimenting, right? But we make a hypothesis (or educated guess) about what we think might happen. 

Having a hypothesis is important because it helps us to plan the experiment and decide what kinds of tests to run and how to measure our results. But we have to be careful not to be committed to the outcome of that hypothesis.

If we are too attached to the hypothesis we’ve made, it’s like putting blinders on. We now have these massive blind spots that prevent us from the true nature of the experiment we’re running. We might miss some important trends in the data that we have.

So if getting too attached to the possible outcome causes blind spots, what do we focus on? We focus on how we run the experiment. This is where we get to be creative.

We try a few things, and then measure the results. Then we try something different, and see if we get different results. Sometimes we even try the same thing more than once to see if we get the same results or if we get something different. 

To some this may sound tedious, but it’s actually fun! When you let your curiosity be your guide, it can lead to spectacular results. But if you start an experiment with the belief that you will be right about something instead of being open to the process, you will miss out on some amazing discoveries.

Ok, Dr. Jess. What does this have to do with the rest of us who are not in the lab with bunsen burners and beakers? Why should we care about your ramblings about the scientific method?

These same concepts apply directly to our life. When we hold tightly to our beliefs without being open and curious, we shut down any chance of amazing, unexpected things happening. But when we are committed to the process of exploring life without pretending to know what will happen, we will be blown away again and again by the wonder of life.

Let me use myself as an example. Here I am trying to build an audience around learning to love all your parts, right? But I’ve feeling stupid about the fact that each day only like three people read these posts and a handful of people see my social media content. 

The problem with that is I’m too attached to the outcome: having a big audience so I can share this stuff I’m excited about. But that’s totally out of my control, isn’t it? And focusing on that outcome actually makes me less likely to keep going.

Instead, I need to put on my goggles and have fun experimenting with the way I deliver my content. I can look at the data and see what works and what doesn’t, instead of judging myself for not having exciting results. Being committed to the process and remembering why I’m doing it in the first place (to share content about learning how to love yourself) is going to keep me going.

What about you? Is there an area in your life where you’ve been too attached to the outcome? What would it look like if you reframed it as an exciting experiment to run instead?

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”

Start with your values

It can be overwhelming to know how to start designing your life when you have one or more areas you want to change. The first thing to do is take a deep breath and know you’re in good company. Every single person on this planet goes through change, transition, and uncertainty multiple times in their life. 

I find it can be helpful to begin with your values. Every single person has a set of values. When I was in a partial program, my therapist told me that our values are like our favorite flavor of ice cream: we’re all allowed to just like what we like! 

You can download and print off a values worksheet I created here. 

Here’s what you’re going to do: 

1. Look at each value and quickly decide (in <5 seconds) if that value is very important (V), somewhat important (S), or not as important (N) to you. Write down the letter V, S, or N depending on what you decide. DON’T OVERTHINK THIS.

2. At the end of the list, fill in the two blank spaces with two values of your own that are not already listed.

3. Next, on page three you’re going to rewrite all the values you decided were very important (V). It can helpful to circle all the V’s first and then write the values down.

4. Of these very important values, you are going to pick the top 3 values you want to focus on right now. I like to cross them out one at a time until I’m left with my top three. This is going to change over time, so don’t stress about picking the wrong ones.

Now that you have your top three values, you can begin to look at how your life matches up with those values. Are your day-to-day actions aligned with those values? If not, then it’s time to make some changes.

Let your values be your guide

Our values act like a compass to point us in the direction we want to go. We can begin to take small steps with our actions to align with our values. This will help us make the changes we are trying to make. 

Again, this process is very personal and subjective. There is no one right or wrong way to do this. Your values are going to be different from my values, which are going to be different from Kim Kardashian’s values. 

No one’s values are better or worse than anyone else’s. Don’t stress about doing this wrong or agonizing over which values are best. Just go with your gut. 

In my next article, I will walk you through how you can use the values you’ve picked to take stock of where you are right now. If you’re like me, you’re going to see a pretty big gap between where you want to be and where you are now. 

That is absolutely fine! It’s expected! During times of transition, when we are wanting to make changes, there is always a gap between where we are and where we want to go. 

If you’re hungry for more and want a birds eye view of this process, you may want to read an article I wrote earlier called 53 Simple Ideas For Designing Your Life. But don’t let it overwhelm you! We’ll go through specifics in later articles.

My current top three values are so different from the last time I did this exercise! This time I chose adventure, courage, and whimsy. Comment below with your top three values.

Believe it or not, it’s ok not to know everything and to recognize your limits. Try as we might, humans aren’t invincible. We actually have a lot of built-in flaws.

We make mistakes, say the wrong things, get tired, hungry, horny, lonely, angry, and bored.  All of us fart, and many of us pick our noses when there’s a stubborn booger that keeps tickling us. But we’re taught to hide all of those ugly, “improper” things about ourselves. 

We’re taught to “fake it til you make it!” We silently agree to pretend we are dignified, smart, and confident. Lord help you if you admit you are flawed, especially in the workplace. 

All of this masking comes at a steep cost, though. When we try to be perfect and pretend we aren’t flawed, we move further and further away from who we really are. That’s what masking is, isn’t it? Trying to be someone else.

And the harder we try to be someone else, the worse our life gets. We get tired, sick, angry, and depressed. The mask can only stay on for so long.

If we don’t have time throughout the day when we can safely take our mask off and just be, it adds increasing stress in our lives. It grows the disconnect between who we really are and who we’re trying to be for the sake of other people. It takes a toll on our mental and physical health. 

So how do we stop masking and come back to ourselves? How do we unlearn these things society has force-fed us for so long?

This is a complicated question, and each person has a different answer. But there are a few things that may be helpful. 

I think we start by recognizing that we’ve been masking and that it has been a draining experience. We acknowledge the struggle we’ve been going through, even though we didn’t consciously recognize it. Validating our own experiences is critical. 

One thing social media has been great about is holding space for all different kinds of people. I’ve had the chance to see many different people talk about masking and what it looks like for them, which has helped me to see some of the same behaviors in myself. Knowing you’re not uniquely weird or messed up in that way is very comforting.

Then we start to look at where we are most exhausted or depleted. What times in our day, week, or month are we most struggling to get by? Can we find any common threads with these times? Do we find ourselves acting in a certain way that makes us uncomfortable or drained?

Once we begin to notice patterns of where our energy dips, when we find ourselves holding back because we fear what other people will think, this gives us an opportunity to try out alternative behaviors. Maybe we don’t feel comfortable removing our masks entirely, but perhaps there is a step we can take in between. 

Here’s an example: let’s say that you are someone who feels compelled to smile widely and raise the pitch of your voice for meetings with your clients, but it’s not at all the way you normally behave. It takes a lot out of you to put that mask on for these meetings, and leaves you feeling drained. 

You might not feel like you have the option to just be yourself, because you’re worried your clients will think you have RBF or that you’re a monotone robot. What if you could find little ways to let that mask start to come off? Or add pieces of your authentic self to those meetings?

Think of other ways you could express yourself differently that bring you more joy in those meetings. Can you wear a baby yoda pin or sticker on your name badge? Color coordinate your lipstick with your underwear? Squish a rainbow stress ball during your talk? Crack a joke during the meeting?

In other words, what small changes can you make that are not as scary as taking off your whole damn mask, but still help you feel more comfortable in your skin? And if you’re ready to stop masking entirely, more power to you. 

I’ve been dipping my toe in the water with how I introduce myself, and I add a lot more humor to my conversations. Just today when someone asked “Oh, you’re a doctor? What are you doing with that?” I grinned and said, “Not a damn thing!” 

Have some fun with it and remember there’s not a single person on this planet who doesn’t have flaws or baggage. And thank goodness for that, right? What a boring place it would be if we were all perfect! 

The funny thing though, is that by hiding my dreams from other people, I tend to hide them from myself too. The little seedlings sit neglected in the attic, away from the sun, and I forget to water them. Just the fear of being shut down by others leads me to squash my own dreams before they’ve even had a chance.

Alright, so I’m facing my fears here and I’m sharing some of my dreams. In day 3 of my journaling, I mentioned that one of my dreams is to open up a community coffee house/art  studio someday. Today I am going to open up about a different dream that I am actively working on, although they are related in some ways. 

As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up having to stuff my emotions to help adults in my life manage theirs, and I learned to prize achievements and hard work above my own health. But along this path, I became very interested in what people call “self-help”. 

I’ve read countless books over the years in this category, taken virtual classes, listened to podcasts and cds. I’m fascinated by our capacity for change. To grow up in one way, and gain knowledge and tools to live a different life. 

And in all the years that I’ve been exploring these things, I continue to come face to face with one observation over and over again. To live our best life we have to get right with ourselves. 

A lot of self help stuff focuses on the tools that may help us on our journey, like mindfulness, mantras, and goal-setting. And while these are great, and they can be very helpful, they are the MEANS to the end. Not the end itself.

What do I mean by that? The end goal is to be satisfied living in our own skin. To feel like we are able to face whatever comes. To be able to pick ourselves up when we fall down.

Those other things are tools to help us get there, but they are not what we’re after. Ok, so how does this relate to my dream?

I’m on this journey to love all the parts of myself because I want to have a great life with myself. I want to feel comfortable in my skin and actually like the person that I am. And I want to invite others to come with me on this journey.

I want to share what I’m learning, to learn from other people who are on the same journey, and provide a space for us to do this work together. Because I think it is the work that actually matters. The work that could change the world. 

We can’t fix all of the world’s problems when we barely tolerate ourselves. Think about the energy that comes when people are actually psyched about being alive. It’s contagious! 

So that is my dream. To continue on this adventure of radically loving myself and to bring as many people along with me. This is how we overcome the chaos of the world. 

I don’t know the first thing about building a community, but I’m open to feedback from all of you. I’m open to hearing what you need as we embark on this journey. Let’s learn together and fall in love with all of our parts.

If you’re interested in joining me, subscribe to my free weekly newsletter, Love Your Life. I don’t have all the answers, but I believe we can figure this out together.

The first talk I heard this morning was with Viola Davis, powerhouse actress and badass human being. Viola talked about the difference between ‘being real’ and being transparent.  Being real is trendy and avante garde, like openly rocking your $15 shoes.

But being transparent is about being vulnerable to express what’s really true for you. It’s about admitting when you’re struggling, embracing your weirdness, and setting aside the mask you wear to make other people comfortable.

Interestingly enough, the third talk I attended echoed those same themes about showing up in the world as yourself. Jay Schwedelson put on a talk called “How it Started & How It’s Going: How Failure & Pivoting Can Create Massive Opportunity”. He talked about his failures over his career and coming to realize that he only needed to be stellar at one thing rather than lots of things. 

Jay humbly poked fun at himself, with his less-than-impressive powerpoint slides that had personal photos of him. He talked like a normal human being rather than a fancy corporate person, and it was a breath of fresh air. 

In day nine of my journaling experience, I mentioned the more I embrace just being myself and not patrolling my interactions with others, magical things start happening and I meet the right people. Jay echoed the same thought, saying that when he stopped censoring himself and trying to be perfect, the number of people that walked into his life exploded. 

And then they featured freaking DR. JANE GOODALL. My god, what an icon. Talk about a total badass of a woman who, at 88 years old, continues to spread the word about hope, sustainability, and loving on our planet. 

My biggest takeaway from her talk is that there is still hope. And when we get so mired down in being hopeless, we put ourselves in tiny little miserable boxes that don’t serve us. But when we have hope that we can make a difference, and act on the little pieces that we know we can do, our life changes.

I’m tired of feeling anxious and afraid everytime I pull up the news section on my phone. I’m tired of my family members and I talking about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket. That doesn’t serve me and it certainly doesn’t help change things. 

I don’t want to live in the land of overwhelm anymore. I’d rather live in the present, have hope about what good things I can experience today and how I can help spread that goodness to others. That sounds way more enjoyable and within the shit I can actually control.

So what am I going to do? I’m going to surround myself with the stuff that brings me hope and actually makes me feel like doing something. Books, movies, songs, people, stickers…

Hit me up if you want to join me on this journey towards more hope!