“Promise me you’ll always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” -Chrisopher Robin
How many of us as adults still struggle with the wonky, corrupted programming we inherited? Or grieve the things we were meant to receive as children but never did?
In The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller talks about how parents often unintentionally pass along the same fears and insecurities they received from their parents. If I take a deep breath and look closely at my biggest fears in life, I can trace them back to my childhood.
My father grew up with his father encouraging greatness. He told my father he could even be the president of the United States one day. My father talks about the immense pressure he was under and feeling like he would never measure up . Unfortunately, he passed along those same fears to me and my brother.
My dad struggles with perfectionism. He can’t seem to help himself when he sees someone doing something suboptimally or talking about an idea that hasn’t been completely fleshed out. This has fostered fear in me that I will never be good enough, that I won’t live up to my potential, and that I should think twice about trying new things unless I intend to master them.
Then there’s my mother, who grew up with two emotionally unavailable parents who both struggled with anxiety. My mom felt like her mother’s love was conditional. She grew up always feeling unworthy and like she needed to prove that she was worth loving.
Throughout my childhood, my mom was always a whirlwind of activity. She worked a lot, suffered from insomnia, and always had to keep moving. Her constant drive to stay busy and prove her worth to others often left her emotionally unavailable to her family.
I learned that business was akin to godliness, striving to achieve was more important than caring for yourself, and emotions were meant to be set aside and not discussed. I too grew to believe I must prove my worth to be valued and loved.
I’m only recently starting to see how this early programming has caused me a lot of pain. Looking back, I sometimes wish I’d had friends like Christopher Robin and his merry animals, or that my next door neighbor was someone like Mister Rogers.
As children, we need someone in our lives to teach us that we are worthy of love exactly as we are. Someone to help us see that we don’t need to change ourselves to be valuable. A mentor to show us that we don’t need to aspire to be anything other than ourselves in order to be loved and seen.
Unfortunately, Alice Miller states in her book that whatever needs we didn’t have met as children, we can never get as adults. As adults, we have passed those formative years in which our brains develop. But what if there was a way for us to have a sense of unconditional love even as adults?
A few weeks ago, I was doing the same grounding meditation I’ve been practicing on and off for the past few months. I’d been thinking about The Drama of the Gifted Child and reflecting on the emotional needs I didn’t have met as a child. But this time when I sat down to meditate, something changed.
The meditation usually starts with sitting or laying down and imagining roots growing from your sacrum down into the earth. Your roots grow and stretch all the way until they reach the Earth’s warm, molten core. Warm energy flows up these roots and throughout your body, helping you to feel grounded and connected to the Earth.
That day when I sat down to meditate, my mind conjured something different. As the energy started to flow upwards through my roots, I imagined the Earth as Mother Earth. In my mind, she had long flowing hair and a gentle, warm smile.
She held me in her arms, rocking me gently as she told me that she loved me very much. Mother Earth told me there was nothing I could do that would make her stop loving me.
She told me she was always there for me, and I could visit her any time.
Tears streamed down my face as I imagined her warm, loving arms around me. I lingered in this radiant space for several minutes. After basking in the love of Mother Earth, I turned to the second part of my meditation.
Normally I would imagine a beam of bright, white light coming down and pouring over my head and all over my body. But this time I imagined a celestial father beaming down at me with the biggest smile on his face.
He leaned over to kiss me on the crown of my head and told me it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do; he would always be proud of me. He would always be there to cheer me on and support me.
Brilliant, vibrant energy flowed through me. My heart felt like it was wide open and shining for the world to see. I believed in that moment that I could do anything and I would always be good enough.
It was the most healing meditation I’ve ever experienced. I was filled with love, hope, joy, and a deep sense of belonging. No matter how small or uncertain I felt, I knew I had the love and support of my divine parents.
This connection with divine mother and father energies is ancient and has been described across countless cultures. In Hindu mythology, the divine masculine and feminine are represented by Shiva and Shakti. According to Greek mythology, Gaia is Mother Earth and Uranus is the sky father. And in Māori mythology, Ranginui is the sky father and Papatūānuku is the earth mother.
Since that first meditation, I have had more liberating experiences. In one meditation, Mother Earth and I swam in a pool below a waterfall together. In another, she sat me in her lap like a child and brushed my hair while butterflies floated around us and birds sang to us from the trees.
Each time I feel that sense of peace and love, and I am amazed I can tap into it whenever I want. Some days my mind is too distracted and I am not able to get back to that place without getting pulled away. Other days I forget entirely to take five minutes to ground myself and connect with Mother Earth and my divine Father.
This meditation hasn’t solved all of my problems, nor has it eliminated all of my negative self-beliefs. I often feel unsettled and worried about what direction to take in my life. But I’m starting to believe the idea that just being myself could be good enough.
A little seed has taken root in my mind and grown a tiny sprout. Maybe I really can pursue what brings me joy and not worry that I won’t live up to some spectacular plan. Perhaps I can express myself however I see fit and people will still love me.
This meditation is opening up space for those early childhood beliefs and fears to be washed away and reprogrammed. What childhood programming is holding you back? If you try this meditation, I would love to hear about your experience with it!
