I need coffee before I can get this one going today. I’m dragging a little bit today. You feel me?
We’re talking about failure today. Yaaaay…
Failure and quitting get a bad rap. Today I’m going to convince you, with help from Ash Ambirge, that they are actually awesome and can help build your resilience.
As a recovering perfectionist, people pleaser, and chronic overachiever, the fear of failure is an old friend of mine. It lives like a little gremlin, camped out in the living room of my mind. Doesn’t even pay me rent, just leaves its dirty little socks everywhere.
Here’s the problem with having a fear of failure. For one, it’s impossible not to fail. Just as it’s impossible to be perfect.
We’ve bought into the idea that failure is bad, and something to avoid at all costs. But without failure, we remain stuck. If we don’t have the courage to try something new, we will live mediocre, bland lives forever.
When we do fail, it gives us some of the richest information on the planet. It helps us figure out what not to do, which is sometimes even more valuable than knowing what to do. And more than anything, learning to overcome failure is what builds resilience.
I believe resilience is the most valuable asset a person could have on this planet. Why? Because resilience is having the ability to bounce back from and adapt to any situation.
That is powerful shit. We talk about cockroaches being indestructible, but a resilient person can rule the world! Resilience is where it’s at.
I also want to talk about a cousin of failure, which is quitting. In our minds, we tend to group these two together. It usually goes something like this: “If I quit, then I’m a failure.” Which we then equate to: “I’m a worthless piece of garbage!”
But quitting, just like failing, is absolutely essential to disrupting the status quo. In the Middle Finger Project, Ash Ambirge reframes failing and quitting as upgrading.
I could talk more about this myself, but let me give you these excerpts from her book instead:
“If you aren’t failing one hundred and fives times, you have lost one hundred and five opportunities to be happy. We need reasons to change our minds about ourselves. We need opportunities to rethink who we are and what we want…
My advice to you is to quit. Quit often. Quit over and over again. Become an expert quitter, because this means that you are also an expert starter…
Most people would rather stick with an outdated version of themselves because they’ve been conditioned to think that anything less is somehow a mark on their character. But maybe the opposite is true: maybe sticking with something that doesn’t feel right, out of principle, isn’t principled at all. Maybe it’s wimpy…
Every single step you take is, in fact, a step. There is no such thing as a wrong move. Everything is pushing you forward in tiny, perfect ways you can’t see.”
Welp, I’m in. Who wants to be my failure and quitting accountability partner?
