Sometimes we find ourselves in crappy situations. I’m talking a steaming pile of crap that, from your angle, looks about as big as Mount Everest. One so big we don’t know where to start shoveling.
It’s only in hindsight that we can see how we came to face such a large pile of crap. But unfortunately, hindsight isn’t very helpful when we’re facing the crap. I can tell you that I’ve used hindsight to bludgeon myself more times than I can count.
Hindsight can be helpful to us when we want to come up with strategies for preventing the same crappy situation from occurring again. But when we use it to beat ourselves up, it’s like being mad at yourself for not being superman. That’s just silly!
We can only make the best decisions we can with the information that is available to us in that moment. It’s easy to look back, after we have more information, and tell ourselves how dumb we were. Sometimes our priorities were not quite aligned, and we chose one priority over the other and it led to a painful outcome.
But when we can learn from what happens without beating ourselves up, that’s where the value lies in hindsight. Why all this talk about hindsight today?
Two nights ago I found myself in a pickle. (A poo pickle, if you will.) And when I woke up in the morning, the pickle was still there to deal with. The options available to me were not very appealing– in fact they freaking sucked.
When I first found myself in this pickle, my first reaction was to say to myself, “I’m such a sucker! How could I be so naive?!” I quickly moved into self pity, “Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to be the one to deal with this right now?!” Eventually I found my way into acceptance.
The shit had already hit the fan, and it was time to deal with the aftermath. That’s why I think in these moments, when we are left with the shit no one else wants to deal with, we are best served by our courage. It is through courage, not shame, that we can make the best decisions for ourselves in those challenging times.
You have to put hindsight, blame, and shame aside when you are in problem solving mode. Whatever it was has already happened. Beating yourself up will only serve to increase your panic and zap your critical thinking skills.
Courage helps us see which path is the best path forward amidst the chaos. Through courage, we can take action despite our fear. It is only after we have settled the matter at hand that we can gently bring hindsight into the picture to study the event that unfolded.
So what can you do to face your steaming pile of crap (or pickle, or whatever else you want to call it)?
Start by taking a deep breath (maybe near a nice candle or slap on some Vicks vapo rub to avoid the stench). Come back to your values and ask yourself, “What do I think is best at this moment? What can I do that aligns most with my values?”
Sit with those thoughts for a bit, not the thoughts about what other people will think or how it is the most awful thing in the world to happen to you. Remind yourself that every single person on this planet makes mistakes. Remember that you’re not the first person to find yourself in this pickle.
Let the emotions that come up flow through you without attaching a meaning or story to them. Feel the emotions come and go, remember your values, and breathe. A solution will come to you, even though you may still feel uncertain and afraid. Courage will help you to act anyway.
After the dust has settled, then take a peek at hindsight. That is the time to see what nuggets of wisdom you can get out of the crap pile you just conquered. Happy shoveling!
