Trigger warning: discussion of suicide and suicidal ideation
I woke up this morning and saw in the headlines that Neena Pacholke, a 27-year-old news anchor in Wisconsin, had died by suicide. In the article title it said, “She Radiated Love and Positivity”. After reading through the article, I knew it was time to journal about the stigma surrounding suicide and suicidal ideation.
Many of us have heard that when the news talks about suicide, it puts other people at risk who are thinking about suicide of completing it. What I don’t think we talk about is that, by placing a stigma on suicidal ideation (having thoughts of not wanting to be alive), we actually further alienate the people who are struggling with those thoughts.
When society tells you that you are wrong or bad for having suicidal thoughts, and slaps a label on you as being mentally unstable, it wouldn’t surprise me if many people are less likely to seek help. Because while you may be having thoughts of not wanting to be around, you probably have other pressures that scare you about coming forward for help.
If you are seen as the competent, optimistic person who everyone else goes to for help, it can feel impossible to find someone else to rely on. Even worse, when you do reach out for help and your request is rejected, you sink further into feeling alone with the weight of the world on your shoulders.
I had mentioned at the end of my first journal post that I was struggling with suicidal ideation after moving to Rhode Island. At the time, I turned to my best friend to try to talk through these things. But she started to tell me she didn’t have time to talk, or would put my phone calls to voicemail.
When I talked to my parents about needing help, they were fearful it would go on my permanent record and jeopardize my future job opportunities. I was terrified to approach my program director about what was going on in my life, but I knew my brain was struggling and I needed to advocate for myself.
After joining the partial program, we had daily group therapy sessions. On one day, the topic of suicidal ideation came up. I remember my shoulders going up to my ears and fearing that we would all be immediately sent to the hospital for talking about our thoughts.
What happened was a phenomenal conversation about people who were struggling with something that was seen as taboo, and had a safe space to discuss it with each other. I was struck by how many of the people in this group were the go-to person for others in their life.
These people were the ones everyone else turned to when they needed help. They were the “responsible ones” who had to have it all together all the time. Many of them felt like they had to be strong and put on a happy face for their friends, family, and coworkers.
And yet they were struggling the most. Because when you’re put in the position of having to be everything to everyone else, it often feels like there is no one to help take care of you when you need it.
No one notices that you are struggling because you’re so good at masking. The burden of getting help falls on you, even when you can barely get out of bed in the morning.
If you identify as one of the people, this is my message to you:
My dear, you are not alone. There are many others who struggle with the same burden and feel just as lonely and desperate. Having these thoughts do not make you weak, they make you human.
Please get the help you need, even though you think you can keep pushing forward and figure it out yourself. Maybe you can. But your life is too precious to take that risk.
I see how hard you work, how much you care, and how hard you try to keep it together all the time. I’m sorry you have the burden of having to get help yourself instead of someone else noticing that you’re struggling.
Your life matters just as much as the lives of those you show up for every day. It’s ok to struggle and need help. You are human, my dear. And to be human is to be beautifully flawed.
I’m one person rooting for you, but please know there are countless others who understand what you’re going through, and they are rooting for you too.
If you have a plan to die by suicide, get help NOW. Make the phone call right now. I know it’s scary, but you need that extra support. And if you don’t have a plan, but continue to have thoughts of not wanting to be alive, please advocate for yourself and ask about a partial program.
If you don’t know where to start, you can always call 988, the national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also see a list of mental health resources by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
